Cherries, Corn, and Chocolate Milk
by blueberrymuffinsandtea
Summary: Tadase gathers all of the three previous Jacks to preform a secret mission... What it is? Baby making! Birthday fic for Anna/Tazzykid! No couple pairing, no fluff, sorry, crack fic.  Read at your own risk.  Rated T.


**Bree: Hello, dear readers. It is I, the laziest author ever.**

**Anna: I'm sure they know that already.**

**Bree: ;-; But anyways, I am updating/uploading this crap because it is a very special person's birthday today/tumrw (It's the 22nd, but I'm pubbing today, deal.) **

**Anna: It's that crazy blonde girl's birthday, right?**

**Bree: Yeah, Naomi. Haha, actually it is Anna-Naomi's-Marie's birthday, but some of you guys might know her as Tazzykid. Or that weird chick that I have in my stories. Who constantly disses me.**

**Anna: It's the best job. Evar.**

**Bree: -eye roll- Plus, it's a combo of one year of us being besties ^_^ If it wasn't for Anna, then I would have never been an anime nerd, met you guys through Fanfiction, and blinded you with my horrible stories! :D**

**Anna: ...**

**Audience: GET HER! -clubs and pitch forks-**

**Bree: Yep~ Blame her! Enjoy**

**~oOoOo~**

The two previous Jacks, and the latest one all sat quietly sipping tea, as only they could -which is in fact very gaily. In the gay term of happy, though, because of course, drinking tea made them all very happy. So happy that they merrily thought up of rainbows, and unicorns, and Sponge Bob.

"Why are we here?" Asked Kukai, turning his green eyes towards Kairi, the nerd of the Jack Trio.

"We're waiting for our king." Kairi responded promptly, in a very serious tone of voice.

"Oh Gozzie." The current Jack groaned. "I'm missing important notes because of HIM? You guys know that he will take forever putting on his make up!"

The purple haired Jack looked around expectantly, but only received shrugs from his companions.

"That's it I'm leaving." he grumbled, and made a mad dash towards the exit of the Royal Garden.

"Ohohoh~ Where do you think you're going, Shnuckums?" a girly voice rang out through the Royal Garden.

"OMG! A ghost! Or a dog! Or a ghost dog that will devour my spirit!" Shrieked Kuaki, hugging Kairi to his chest.

"No, no. It's just our gay king." Kairi responded, pushing his glasses up his nose.

"Oh... right." Kuaki said, reluctantly letting go of his green haired teddy bear.

"That is right! I am your gay king! And there is no possible way of escape from me! For you are all my bishes!" Tadase yelled coming out from the ladies' room.

"Dammit." Nagihiko muttered darkly. "I was so close. Curse you Amu, for using your kira kira powers to brain wash me into becoming Jack."

"Oh, that was hilarious! You know she learned that skill from Tadase, who learned it from the Chairman, who learned it from Barney?" Kuaki informed Nagihiko.

"No." He responded. "Did Barney learn it from Elmo?" he asked sarcastically.

"Haha, nope. He learned it from Dorthy."

"Actually, Souma-kun, Barney learned it from Ernie who learned it from Elmo who learned it from Dorthy." Kairi recited the kira kira power family tree.

"I didn't need to fill my brain with that useless information." Nagihiko growled at them.

They shrugged. "You asked." they told him.

"COMMONERS YOU DO NOT DARE IGNORE ME! Unless you would like to face my wrath!" Tadase screamed at them, trying to control his urge to pimp slap them.

"Just hurry up and tell us what you called us here for." Nagihiko ordered.

" 'Kayyy~" the blonde prince agreed, clearing his throat.

"I have called you guys, my most dedicated slaves ever, to help me create some baybehs!" Tadase told them all, with a :D face.

The Jack trio ran away screaming, towards the exit of the Royal Garden.

Tadase suddenly pushed the button that say "Don't touch that" on it. Cages fell from the ceiling and trapped the trio that had dared try to run away.

"How many times have I told you? I. Do. NOT. Like guys!" Nagihiko screamed, with a throbbing vein appearing.

"But... but, you were Nadeshiko." He pouted.

"I DON'T CARE! NADESHIKO NEVER LIKED YOU ANYWAYS!"

"Good. 'Cause I never liked her either!" Tadase declared, tears running down his cheeks.

"Can we please be let out of these cages, my king?" Kairi asked.

"Sure, if you're willing to make babies with me." Tadase responded innocently. "And don't worry I have all of the supplies ready!" he announced, gesturing to the W-Mart shopping bags beside him. "Frozen, sugar covered cherries. Corn in a can. Chocolate milk. Fork-a-poons. Cauldron. And goat poop." Tadase read from a list.

Kukai gave him a weird look. "Dude, you do do know that you need to buy a lot of diapers if you wanna make babies, right?"

"Oh, don't worry. They can share the ones I use." Tadase responded, in a duh manner.

"Now, lets make summa-baybehz."

~oOoOoOo~

"So, first step, set up the cauldron. Then, add the cherries, in rows and insert corn kernels inside of where the pits where."

"Check." Kukai said, with a thumbs up.

"Okay, so now, we have to pour chocolate milk over it, and sing a nursery rhyme. Quick does anyone know any nursery rhymes?" Tadase began to panic.

"Hickory dickory dock?" Kairi suggested.

"Do you know the words?"

"No."

" 'Kay then."

"Oh for the love of pocky." Nagihiko growled.

"Hickory dickory dock, the mouse ran up the clock. The clock struck one, the mouse ran down, hickory dickory dock." He sang. He looked inside the cauldron. "WHY DID YOU GUYS NOT POUR THE CHOCOLATE MILK?"

"Were we supposed to?" Kukai asked.

Nagihiko face-palmed in response. "Yes." he said, as he snatched the milk carton from the ex-Jack's hands and resang the nursery rhyme in one breath.

"Good job my slave child!" Tadase exclaimed happily. "No, we must stir with our fork-a-poons!"

The four people then began to stir like their lives depended on it, which they did because of the venomous goat poo that wanted to devour their souls.

Suddenly, the mixture began to bubble. And it began to giggle, and then laugh, and then chuckle, and then burp. It began to grow, and grow...

And then, a huge Tadase-look-alike-thing-it-whatzit-called-stuff formed and stood there like a zombeh from zombehland.

"Yes! My precious precious! It is alllliiiiiive!" Tadase laughed manically as he glomped the huge disgusting creature.

"I honestly can't tell which is which." Nagihiko whispered to Kairi and Kukai who nodded in agreement.

"Now on to the tests!" Tadase announced.

"Hold up just a second!" Nagihiko said. "We helped you make your demonic spawn, now why do we have to participate in tests?"

"Well I wanna see if it's functional." Tadase pouted. "If it isn't it can be your punching bag~" he offered.

"Sold." Nagihiko said, as he accepted the clipboard that the blonde boy/girl gave him.

"Okay, so Jack 1, and Jack 2! You will help me preform the tests! Jack 3, you write down the results!" Tadase ordered.

*~Test Uno: Gender~*

Tadase held up a Transformer doll, and in the other hand, a Barbie doll.

"Okay, hun. Which do you like better?" Tadase asked his creation.

The monster picked them both up and began to eat them.

"Uh-huh." Nagihiko muttered, and wrote down an answer.

~TEST DOS: IQ~

"Do you know what boobies are?" Kairi asked Tadase's monster.

The monster tilted his head and held up a bra.

"Pfft. Heyal naw! Boobies are birds! You dunno shizz!" Kairi corrected him.

"Okay, question two. What is the most important rule... EVER?" Kukai asked it.

The creature wrote in the air, "The Golden Rule."

"Pshaw. Double tap. Seriously, dude. You'd be dead if you were in a zombie invasion."

Nagihiko wrote down his observations.

*Test TR3S: Music taste*

"Sing your favorite song." Nagihiko told the monster.

"Fer sure maybe fer sure not  
Fer sure eh fer sure bomb  
Pulled up at a stop light did drugs on the dashboard  
Look at the mess we made tonight

Kick off your stilettos  
Kick off your stilettos  
And -" The creature sang at the top of his voice very off-tune.

"Okay, okay! That's enough!" Nagihiko cut off the monster and quickly wrote down the 'results'.

~The results, written by Nagihiko Fujisaki~

1: Gender, IT, just like it's main creator, aka Tadagay Homori.

2: IQ, this thing is very dumb. It would not live if a zombie "invasion" -as Kukai calls it- were to happen. Beware the Saaya Burger, you ugly fool.

3: Musical Taste, great song, but that THING brutally murdered it, clawing it's eyes out with a knife, and would turn everyone into an IT just like It.

IN OTHER WORDS, THIS IS A HORRIBLE-ASS WASTE OF TIME, SO JUST LET ME GO ALL FREAKING READY!

-Nagihiko

~OoOoOo~

"Well now, seeing as how this monster was a complete failure... It's now mine to destroy!" Nagihiko grinned evilly.

Out of freaking nowhere he pulled out a stick of Dynamite and lit it. He shoved it inside of the monster-it-thing and it exploded, and when BA-BA-BA-BOOM and what not.

Unfortunately, this tiny stick of Dynamite was blown up on Anna's birthday which is obviously (sorta) bad luck for everyone because on that fateful day an alien was hatched and became Bree's best friend something years later. So anyways, this bomb stick thing exploded the world and sent everyone off to Nagitopia, except for the world's supply of Pocky, Mexican Yogurt, Anna, Aizen, Gin, and Zero... and Kamane, and Shiki and Shiku.

They then created a new world population of 100,100,970,897,976,768,987,986 little it things.

THE

FREAKING

END

Deal with it.

~O_O~

**Bree: My apologies for that horrible crack fic thing. But as I mentioned, this is a HAPPY BIRTHDAY Anna fic, so of course, it's as bad as a crackhead.**

**Anna: HEY!**

**Bree: Pfft, deal. I prbly killed many people with this story, earning me a spot on FBI's Most Wanted List.**

**Anna: So it's a win-win situation sorta.**

**Bree: Exactly.**

**Anna: yay.**

**Bree: Oh hush up, my slave. -sigh- So yes, I am terribly sorry for any injuries received while reading this. I refuse to pay hospital bills! ^_^**

**Anna: Meanie.**

**Bree: Hey, at least I remembered! I was reading manga, and I remembered this, so I could be reading instead of writing and stuff. HAPPY BDAY ANNA :DD -glomps-**

**Anna: reviews are nice (if you don't wish to have your soul eaten) and flames are not.**


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